... To Our Parents - From Our Parents

One of our special guests, Susan Heffernan, an ISU (International) figure skating judge and guidance counsellor from Vancouver, BC conducted an excellent session for our parents on Parenting Skills and more specifically, on Parenting a Skater. Susan suggested that it might be of benefit to other parents if many of the ideas discussed could be shared here in the hope that it may affirm that parents in our skating community everywhere share many of the same convictions and fears.

Susan thought that the seminar was a wonderful experience. She enjoys working with parents enormously. She has many ideas for other Parent Seminars and would be delighted to talk with any Club / Section / Parenting Group. Of course, she loves the technical aspects of skating and the opportunity to work with skaters as well. She can be reached at her home e-mail: sheffernan@uniserve.com.

Parents can perhaps take heart from this and realize that these commitments and experiences are of wonderful benefit to you and your son or daughter, derived from but not necessarily relevant only to our sport. Realistically these aren't accomplished without significant sacrifice. If we exercise wisdom, our skaters will gain invaluable life experiences as they strive to grow and meet life's challenges through continued participation in our great sport.

Thanks to all the parents who participated and shared their thoughts at these sessions!
Congratulations on a job well done - and good luck in skating!

Issues Brought to the Table: (Q&A)

What are the Toughest / MOST frustrating things about being a Skating Parent?

• ability to let go - let them learn on their own
• stress and anxiety - and not letting it show
• don't want to see the hurt, then worrying about how to help and support their skater through it
• wanting make informed choices / decisions at every turn
• importance of finding a balance within family and life
• trying to balance Time
  • time management
  • with other commitments
  • within the family
• proper diet can be very difficult while running their skater around
• proper bedtime - getting enough sleep given some training schedules
• balancing school (studies and commitment to education) with training
• "being there" for your skater and other family members at the same time
• issues of working parents and the added demands
• that other life - on the *phone*
• keeping up with the ever-changing technical elements of skating
• always trying to maintain composure in spite of obvious feelings and emotions
• necessity of developing organizational skills within the family
• the COST and sacrifice are a major issue
• measuring and appreciating the feeling of accomplishment during training day after day

• balancing and dealing with the wonderful highs and very low lows
• reaping the benefits of skating as a life experience
• injuries - short and long term
  • physical and emotional
• peer pressure
• concerns that the skating world can be too sheltered and narrow
  • being offset by appreciating the benefits that it offers and new opportunities in life
• Hopes - our wish that they
  • can just be the best they can be
  • make the full commitment - the importance of "giving it your all"
  • don't have to win - "just do your best"
    
    
• Fears
  • lack of commitment - negates many things
  • need to have realistic goals and expectations
  • injury
  • politics of skating

What are the Mistakes that people can make as "figure skating parents"?

• unrealistic expectations - too high or too low?
• trying to be a coach
• being judgmental, too critical
• over-analyze situations, loss of perspective and reality
• being critical of judges and other skaters in front of your skater - blaming?
• listening to "lobbytalk"
• blaming the judges
• putting too much pressure on their skater
• comparing him/her to other skaters
• not realizing the impact of a negative attitude
• not letting go - when they reach their goal or quit
• giving too much as a parent - and then not expecting enough or expecting too much in return
• not appreciating their goals - listening!!?
• only going through the motions of listening to your child / skater rather than geniune LISTENING

What are the most DIFFICULT and most POSITIVE aspects of figure skating for your son/daughter?

• Positives
  • fosters self-discipline
  • development of organizational skills - appreciating the value of their time and necessity of using it wisely
  • makes them more determined / dedicated
  • love of the sport that will sustain them now and may last a lifetime
  • friendships - potential for making many new friends along the way
  • being part of a team - Yes! even though it's very much an individual sport
  • development of life skills and inherent learning experiences
  • participating in the goal-setting and achievement process
  • dance or pair teams
    • teaches an appreciation of the other partner
    • value of supporting and complimenting the partner
    • development of more respect for the opposite sex
  • travel opportunities
  • makes for stronger individuals overall
    
    
• Most difficult
  • perception of judging
  • failure to achieve their goals - and the realities therein
  • dealing with rebounding after a failure
  • the many sacrifices
  • in a partnership - one letting the other partner down
  • they can be very hard on themselves, self-critical, "their own worst enemy" - and not realize how negative and destructive this can be
  • peer pressure - not only for male skaters, but!! also it was expressed that females thought that a peer wasn't participating in a "real sport", i.e. girls' hockey
  • motivation - both day to day and long-term
  • lonely sometimes
  • balancing commitment and sacrifice both individually and within the family
    • time
    • money
    • priviledge of involvement and participation
    • other activities